Meet Mallow
Legally, Mallow is my girlfriend's protozoan, mollusc-shaped flea bag. In practice, he's a furry nicotine patch trying to wean itself off my absence.
His production date goes back to 2020. His functional specifications apparently listed emotional harassment as feature number one.
Under normal conditions, his brain seems to run in power-saving mode — but when it comes to getting our attention, he is the Isaac Newton of nuisance.
Since I know he never understands a word of it, I constantly stick him with nicknames and adjectives reminding him he is a mistake of nature (one we love anyway).
Meet Shiro
A former pound and shelter resident, Shiro is a walking mystery officially dated to 2013, though his past reads like a classified file: the gait of someone three drinks in, a small scar on his forehead, the vertical leap of a chihuahua, and a meow that recalls Michael during his Jackson Five days.
He is the final boss of trust: adopted in 2023, at his current rate of decompression, I estimate I'll be able to hold him without him spontaneously disintegrating sometime around 2050.
Since we had almost all his teeth removed in 2025 (get your cats' teeth cleaned, people!), he inhales his kibble like it might make them grow back.
A mix of trauma and extreme gentleness (except around Mallow — still got to show who the elder is around here).